I'm going to jail i love you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
