then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
