How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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