yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
