just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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