I wish I could punch you in the face.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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