I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
