I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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