so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
