An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
