i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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