He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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