Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
