and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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