and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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