I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
