If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
