I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
