Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
