There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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