youre lurking in front of me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
