No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
