Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
