I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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