Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize