there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
