I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize