the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
