cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
