i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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