I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
