I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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