remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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