I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
