evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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