The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
