1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize