I didn't shave. On purpose
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
