And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
