Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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