For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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