if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
