I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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