I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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