I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
