I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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