Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
