I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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