he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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