so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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