i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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