and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
