xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
