Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
