"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
