The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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