you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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