She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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