If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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