Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
