Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
