Just cropdusted the office
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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