He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
