i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
