jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Farmville is her only friend.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
