dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
